I wish you tonight
from the depth of my heart
into your darkness
So I see light tomorrow..
My father taught me this little starlight rhyme when I was
very small. So wishing upon a star and the moon has been a lifelong custom for
me. On lonely evenings when I was told to stay out of sight, I would look out
of my bedroom window and watch for that first star and the moon to appear. Then
I would make my wish. My request was not always the same. I would alternate
between a few different wishes. The one made on any particular night would
depend upon how the day had gone. My basic wishes were as follows:
*To go back and live with my Dad.
*I want to publish some of my works.
*No one be hungry or hurt.
*I would have a Husband and a family someday.
*Inner Peace and Harmony – and I hoped for this with all my
might.
Yeah I was a weird kid…and actually, not much has changed
now. Anyway, I spent many a night sitting at my window gazing up at the vast
sky with moon. For some reason they always calmed me and made my troubles seem
so small against the vastness of that never ending sky. Wishing upon the stars
and the moon brought me peace, gave me hope and made me feel that I did belong
somewhere. I know it was due to my Dad and our evening escapades in our
Balcony. Through the starlit tapestry of the night sky I was able to feel
connected to my Dad and the people I lost in the course of my life. I knew that
there were or at least had been looking up at the very same stars.
The first summer after I came to visit my college, I
was sitting in the front porch as dusk drew near. This was our time together. I
sat there on the broken greet cot thinking about the evenings I spent with my
Dad. I always swung my bare feet back and forth as he smoked a cigarette.
Grrrr, how I hated those things. The birds chirped and neighbourhood sounds
played in the background. Dad reached over and ground out the last of his
cigarette. I stopped swinging my feet back and forth. It was time to explore
the sky.
“Come on,” he said “let’s find a star and the moon. Do you
have a wish ready?”
Of course I did. So I nodded as he knelt down and put his
arm around me.
Note:
My Dad always got down on my level, it
was just naturally what he did. I never realized this was quite so special
until I started babysitting my kid cousin brothers and sisters. I followed my
father example without even realizing it. I loved being with children. I wore
colourful clothing because they were comfortable and kid friendly. My sister
approached me and she amused when I started playing Elephant game with her son
in my silk sari. She said that no one else in today's world wanted to get their
silk sari spoilt ,smile and look at him in the eye without regret. After that
day, most of my cousins ended up spending more time with me. It was strange to
me, because it was the natural thing to do. It was natural, thanks to my Dad.
So, back to the story. My Dad and I watched the dimming sky
for the first twinkle of our lucky star. Ah ha! And there it was.
“Alright,” he said as he lifted me onto his knee and held my
hand “You remember how it goes?”
I sure as heck did remember. I nodded and we commenced our
recitation to the lucky little star and to other fellas up there.
After my wish was made and I was satisfied that the universe
was looking out for us, Dad and I would just sit back in the balcony. We would
enjoy the evening summer breeze and gaze up into the sky at all the lovely
stars as they appeared one by one.
I think back to those days when hope was alive and well and
thriving within the nurturing mulch of innocence. It warms my raggedy old soul.
Now, whenever things are not as they should be, I still find myself looking up
into the evening sky for that first twinkle of that first little star. Although
I rarely make a wish anymore. Still, there is that part of me that wants to
believe the universe is at least listening. So, there are times when I find
myself nostalgic and hopeful and making a wish.
For when I wish upon a star ..
Two months ago I felt doomed to spend my remaining days and
nights as a solitary creature. Then I looked up one evening and
realized there was a dependable fella right in front of me and he had been
there all along; Sagarittus , the free spirited guy. Now, Sagarittus is my
sweetheart in the sky. We see each other every night, barring any cloud cover,
of course. He is the perfect match for me. He owes me nothing, he can never
hurt me and he unknowingly gives me a peaceful feeling each night when I look
up into the sky and see him there. Thanks to my Dad and his custom of wishing
upon a star, I took an interest in the cosmos and met Sagarittus. You know,
I’ll just bet that on those cloud covered nights, Sagarittus and the essence of
my dear Dad are out there somewhere fishing along the edge of the universe...
