My List for 2014 !!

My list of things that I want to have accomplished by this time next year. Will make my earnest efforts, without that lazy being of me least popping out!!

1. Find something I am really passionate about (Job/Subject).

2. Make a full fledged running robot.

3. Stop biting nails.

4. Buy a Kindle.

5. Travel to at least 5 new places, Srisailam being one of them.

6. Make better Music. Try bass for all those tough songs ;)

7. Start writing that book.

8. Become fitter.

9. Understand my friends.

10.Know my enemies.

11. Learn to say no.

12.Do at least one crazy thing a month.

Phew!! Now the difficult part-Putting that into action :P

Best Year !

This year, all through the days I was lamenting when this would end an put me out of misery But looking back I realized I have learnt a lot. Actually the lessons have been in tons and loads..So what made 2013 the best among the many best years I’ve lived through? I’m going to do this in pointers (they teach us to be precise, you know) or you might end up having something of a nig long story to deal with (which will in fact be better than the twilight series :P, but why take chances?! ).

Enough with the intro. Let us dive straight into content.

*Being me.

*Becoming a workaholic.

*Eating in local food joints in streets.

*Going home as soon as Friday comes.

*Fighting with mom and friends for all those sappa sappa matters.

*Taking a resolution and following it.

*Making new friends.

*Travelling to new places.

*Discovering adventure in driving car, walking long distance in an empty  dark road and chasing your cousin all the way down the terrace and jumping from there.

*Living alone for one month in some remote Chennai and studying (Yes ! I did it :D)
*Realizing that at the end of that month You don't want to move away.

*Getting used to working late nights ( actually until 4 or 5 ).

*Meeting you Best friend after a long time and doing all sorts of nonsense things :P
*Learning Networking, its principles, concepts, nouvelle ideas and I-don’t-remember-what-But-I can-take-a-seminar-for-over- 40 minutes-in-any-networking-topic :P.

*Writing for my Blog.

*Becoming the Chess Champ after a long time.

*Continuously playing chess and trying to take at least 10 trophies ( Well actually I did take only 4).

*Having a Blast at Hyderabad.

*Meeting people and realizing what has been missing in my life all these days – them!

*Working with men and realizing that not all are bad and actually its fun.

*Learning JAVA and writing crazy programs there.

*Someone thinking you are Andhra fellow just because you could understand Telugu :P.

*Sristi'13 at Kannadasan Manimandapam, Karaikudi.

*Constituting new new names for ISTE events :D.

*Roaming in the streets of Chennai with my friends.

*Coming back to Karaikudi and missing Chennai and Hyderabad more than Madurai.

*Staying awake till 5 am.

*Staying awake till 5 am and talking to your best friend :D.

*Staying awake till 5 am and trying to cook your midnight Noodles.

*Trying to cook all your meals.

*Trying to cook all your meals and missing your friends.

*The usually to-the-point mom saying “What else?” on the phone and you realize she misses you too much.

*My 3 year old nephew singing A,B,C,D song as he doesn't know Happiiee Birthday song on my Birthday.

* Making a messy presentation to my guide and still getting appreciation.
*Taking vows to sleep early each night.

* Meeting people from all over India.

* Playing Chess after long day.

*Sitting in that basket Ball court and Moon watching.

* Singing Illayarajaa songs in every bus travel from Kandigai to every-where-around-Chennai.

* Singing Maalai Neram and nee partha paarvaiku oru nanri after a long time and getting mokkai for that.

*Going home after a month and still realizing that someone actually missed you whole time :D.

* Love.

*Forgiving myself and learning to move on.

My Life at a Glance-School :)

Wow aren't they amazing ?

When you are down in trash, when the whole world seems to stand one, against you, when the pockets are completely empty and the debts are damn high, you want to smile but all you can do is sigh(!)... My Friends are just a phone call, a post card, an e-mail or a simple SMS away! They make me smile, blush, cry, shout, scream, Sing, Dance (even if I am bad at dancing they take the pain of watching ! :P), laugh till tears pour down like cherapunji rains and most importantly, they make me ALIVE! I mean they are essential for making life what it's meant to be...

Normally  I'm really passionate about them, but there will entirely times, when nasty swearings takes place but still, I thought all of them deserve a post entirely to themselves! :) If I ever wanted to talk about all my buddies on this post, you'll still be reading it when you are eighty. So ,I'll try to fit in as many as I can... To those who might get left-out - I'm really sorry, Love you loads.

Now... I don't know where to start!! :/

In some ways, my first ever friend was a guy called Sanjay. We were playmates when we were barely three. I still remember his promise that he would take me out to visit the 'Planitorium' one day... but yeah, well, it was never to be. I have NO idea how he looks now, or where he is, but I heard he got a baby sister  and calls her names he used to call me ! (yea, exactly! how cuute!! :)) Sanju, I don't know where you are... but you are remembered! :)

There is a place where world everyone presumably goes for "gaining knowledge" and "acquiring wisdom" and so many other things we never end up gaining... but what all of us most definitely gain are -  Friends! And that place, is called School! My school has given me a awesome set of friends who are almost like mini family! Always Sweet Delicate Darling Reshikaaa, My Bubbly Sweetheart Bhagya, Cool and calm yet the silent mischief maker Shanks, Hyper Mama (sorry di, had to do that! :P), That Honest, ever studious incarnate Lincy, Naughty Rolled Vino (had to do that too!), Curly beauty Bonina, Partners-in-Crime ever-energetic "Hindi girls" (Well seperately,My crime rate is way too high),Innocently beautiful Nits(M^3),Ever calm and guider Angeline, Nearly my Mom Priyadharshini..oops..I'm running outta adjectives! :P

Life was never  complete without those scoldings from Mrs.Jos(My physics Pillar :P) ,those unwinding Hindi classes and French classes when all of us sit together and jabber up, those silly stupid fights with Lincy and Deepa or Nithya's idiotism's interspersed with those burpss and Fun unlimited ! Vino and Nithya(A-Tree)...omg !.. Those Never ending-Chats-in-the-Auto-everyday,  long Vetti Chat Sessions with Bhagya and sasi anna chasing us out of campus after 6.30, 1/2 Tea and Kucchi chips fom canteen during Band practice with Angeline , Evening strolls through almost every by-corridor in the school, Priyadharshini's caution of word when I go out of paths, Millers Super Market, Mrs.Nikila's Shop in DSF,Those silly ever-increasing-crushes-each-year,those messed problems with your class teacher and your English teacher,Mrs.Jessie our biggest backbone,Those run on the mill escapes and pranks in Biology classes,Sleeping the Classrooms with pencil pranks - you name it, we've done it! Reshikaa's really special, coz whatever fix I get myself into, she's always there with a smile and a ear to listen to all my polambals. (She lives above me and she still does ! :)) When you live with a person 24x7, you just can't help loving them. :)

My life would be soo incomplete without you!

Each one at Holy cross would have some experience like this..Some Crazy weird things to say our kids..I miss them ! And I really mean It :) :

And then there are my newest set of friends the ACCET gang, IIIT gang and the list goes on !

I guess this  post is getting way too long. So I must get to the wind-up somewhere near. Sorry If I had left anyone in that list.. All of you have made my life more beautiful and I am not going to thank you at all. I'm going to stay in your life as long as I can and keep messing things up like I normally do - that's a promise. :D

Damnation Its Me ;D

Yes ! I haven't written anything useful on anything since March.

So what have I done in these 9 months ? I've travelled quite a bit, lived in my home for most of the time, changed my approach towards living, come back to amma and well I was supremely drowned in my superficial research studies that started up when I didn't know what I could do with my late night WIFI in KNH .(Well, Acronym for my hostel !)

I now want to do intern in a fast paced environment, where you got to be in your feet  all the time which is great but that means sleeping at 10 is a rare commodity and preparation is a must . Every day I am struggling to find me through those codings and algorithms . Uff ! Those guys takes up most of the space in my brain that when I go to my room, I am all exhausted and bed takes up that place. Sigh ! I haven't listened to good music in these days, haven't laughed so hard that I cried, haven't written poetry, haven't discussed weird girlish shit over late night chats !

But guess what !? I have been happy. Not that Woooooooooohoooyaaa happy, but that satisfied, a peace with the world Happy. Yes, Classes in the morning suck. Yes, I often go hungry. Yes, things have changed. Yes, it is very tough. But I also have those late sunday brunches, those late night movies, those late minute outings ,those unexpected phone calls from friends who want to know if you are still alive and those long winding arratai sessions with amma and family are those that make all the struggle totally worth it !

Like a wise friend of mine once said," I know its hard Buns but that's how it is !"( Engineering graphics assignment)

The Music within-Into her world for a moment..:)

She plays, her ten fingers running up and down the ivories, filling the room with music. She stands straight, very straight, it is part of the technique. I feel a smile growing on me, stupidly happy, as if I am still surprised to find me there, almost every day near her. I just love this moment: her keyboard on the stand, Nia totally drawn in herself, in that very same spot, amidst those empty chairs, and me, watching from nowhere near her sight. It is like a movie, and I feel part of it.
I quietly sit down in the back. I watch her fingers dance, long and lean with two rings on her index and ring finger, they move along, always graciously, with ever evolving subtleties. Her hands move in as many different ways as a face can express emotions. It is magic. The sounds mingle and trample over themselves. Nia and her board, they are one when she plays, one melody. When I watch for too long, here in the dark, it sometimes make me feel dizzy, it affects me, it carries me away. Only she does that to me. That is what she did, she carried me away even without me able to understand a single note.
As I listen, I try to grasp her mood, try to translate that language I don’t speak. Near the board Nia is inside herself, her world, her head gently moving with the melody, sometimes her hands more aggressively. I like the aggressive parts, they are the most expressive. She can slam a note while still, ever gracious. She is the source, she is a musician. She is the magician. I never know what note will come, how it will come, she feels it. I can’t imagine how the music sounds in her, knowing her, it has to be intense, ridiculously rich. Mostly Nia is ungraspable to me, when she plays, the notes just send me on an undefined journey. The notes connect her, without ever revealing what they connect. Yet, it happens that I can hear her speak, that I can trace the underlying moods through the way she plays. It makes me feel very close to her, privileged in some ways. The first time she played for me, simple notations gracefully moving along the winds of late October nights , I was literally swept. I almost fell down, at least my jaws did. I could feel how every single note caressed me, I could not make out a single note on that sheet but still I felt a part of it, of her. I was amazed. I was speechless, it said it all. But I showed it with least hint of proudness in my face, a slight nod, a small pat on her shoulder and a smile.
This could be one of the last times I could hear Nia play in that room. I can hear how she appreciates every single touch, every single note, how everything here resonates this particular way, as she dedicates herself to every singular tone. I am listening with that same attention, savoring every second. The music is light, the melody almost swinging. I will miss it, she will miss me. I try to capture everything, everything. As if I could put it all in a little box, and bring it with me as to never loose it.
As the notes continue to play, still grasping me in their web of possible endless hours, I stand up and walk away, silently, out of her world into the world of earthly chores. I am happy I found the time to see her play here one more time...

Wishing upon that Little star..:)

                                                   I wish you tonight

                                              from the depth of my heart 

                                                    into your darkness

                                                So I see light tomorrow..

My father taught me this little starlight rhyme when I was very small. So wishing upon a star and the moon has been a lifelong custom for me. On lonely evenings when I was told to stay out of sight, I would look out of my bedroom window and watch for that first star and the moon to appear. Then I would make my wish. My request was not always the same. I would alternate between a few different wishes. The one made on any particular night would depend upon how the day had gone. My basic wishes were as follows:

*To go back and live with my Dad.

*I want to publish some of my works.

*No one be hungry or hurt.

*I would have a Husband and a family someday.

*Inner Peace and Harmony – and I hoped for this with all my might.

Yeah I was a weird kid…and actually, not much has changed now. Anyway, I spent many a night sitting at my window gazing up at the vast sky with moon. For some reason they always calmed me and made my troubles seem so small against the vastness of that never ending sky. Wishing upon the stars and the moon brought me peace, gave me hope and made me feel that I did belong somewhere. I know it was due to my Dad and our evening escapades in our Balcony. Through the starlit tapestry of the night sky I was able to feel connected to my Dad and the people I lost in the course of my life. I knew that there were or at least had been looking up at the very same stars. 

 The first summer after I came to visit my college, I was sitting in the front porch as dusk drew near. This was our time together. I sat there on the broken greet cot thinking about the evenings I spent with my Dad. I always swung my bare feet back and forth as he smoked a cigarette. Grrrr, how I hated those things. The birds chirped and neighbourhood sounds played in the background. Dad reached over and ground out the last of his cigarette. I stopped swinging my feet back and forth. It was time to explore the sky.

“Come on,” he said “let’s find a star and the moon. Do you have a wish ready?”

Of course I did. So I nodded as he knelt down and put his arm around me.

Note:

    My Dad always got down on my level, it was just naturally what he did. I never realized this was quite so special until I started babysitting my kid cousin brothers and sisters. I followed my father example without even realizing it. I loved being with children. I wore colourful clothing because they were comfortable and kid friendly. My sister approached me and she amused when I started playing Elephant game with her son in my silk sari. She said that no one else in today's world wanted to get their silk sari spoilt ,smile and look at him in the eye without regret. After that day, most of my cousins ended up spending more time with me. It was strange to me, because it was the natural thing to do. It was natural, thanks to my Dad.

So, back to the story. My Dad and I watched the dimming sky for the first twinkle of our lucky star. Ah ha! And there it was.

“Alright,” he said as he lifted me onto his knee and held my hand “You remember how it goes?”

I sure as heck did remember. I nodded and we commenced our recitation to the lucky little star and to other fellas up there.

After my wish was made and I was satisfied that the universe was looking out for us, Dad and I would just sit back in the balcony. We would enjoy the evening summer breeze and gaze up into the sky at all the lovely stars as they appeared one by one.

I think back to those days when hope was alive and well and thriving within the nurturing mulch of innocence. It warms my raggedy old soul. Now, whenever things are not as they should be, I still find myself looking up into the evening sky for that first twinkle of that first little star. Although I rarely make a wish anymore. Still, there is that part of me that wants to believe the universe is at least listening. So, there are times when I find myself nostalgic and hopeful and making a wish.

For when I wish upon a star ..

Two months ago I felt doomed to spend my remaining days and nights as a solitary creature.  Then I looked up one evening and realized there was a dependable fella right in front of me and he had been there all along; Sagarittus , the free spirited guy. Now, Sagarittus is my sweetheart in the sky. We see each other every night, barring any cloud cover, of course. He is the perfect match for me. He owes me nothing, he can never hurt me and he unknowingly gives me a peaceful feeling each night when I look up into the sky and see him there. Thanks to my Dad and his custom of wishing upon a star, I took an interest in the cosmos and met Sagarittus. You know, I’ll just bet that on those cloud covered nights, Sagarittus and the essence of my dear Dad are out there somewhere fishing along the edge of the universe...