A Rain Drop

It rained last night.

Not that fast, am-pouring-all-over-you type,

But then slow, random and drop by drop,

I put my hand out through the window, and caught just a drop.

It tasted of the air above, the earth below, the salt of the seas and the warmth of the sun.

And I thought of you, ma.

Pregnant :)

College over and done with,- Checked

Well packaged job in a multinational acquired,- Checked

Arranged Matrimony dealt and sealed,-Checked

But He drank and smoked every night,

It became his obligatory duty,

Her pathetic whinings every night were hushed by his silence,

After two years of marriage,

His silence became a habit for her,

"I went to doctor",

No response,

She announced "I am Pregnant"

No Response,

But since that day She noticed,

Ashtray and drinks cabinet remained empty ever :)

My diary :D

I think its been months, I dunno for sure, I haven't been acting as a decent blogger, well at least a blogger for nearly 2 months. You know I am guilty for it, I feel sorry that I am not able to type a single line outta my own brain and every night I make up my mind to type something. Even totally nonsense and abstract is most welcome. But instead I find myself drop dead tired and falling in love every night with my bed ! Wow that love is sooo addicting that I find myself not able to get up next morning. That love is responsible for my low attendance HOD mam !!

Sometimes these Tough times drive me, make me feel alive and sometimes they let drown myself in that unwelching self pity :(

"I am frustrated. I think every day. But nothing is coherent. I fight a kurukshethra war everyday in that 15 min journey and  I bring out my agony out to blue skies asking it lots of questions.  I skip meals and I don't know why. Still eating is a herculean task for me ! On others, I binge. I read. I walk under the scorching sun for hours, aimlessly, soaking in the dust, sometimes rain and dirt…just for the heck of it. I get drenched in the feeble Southwest, Northeast, South, Midwest or in whatever direction monsoon coming.  I catch a cold. I get sunburns. I stop fighting the acnes that keep erupting on my face. I do nothing to silence the anxious chatter in my head that wouldn't stop for one minute.

I just let it all sink in".

When I read this quips from diary, I know I am transcending into another phase of my life-

The phase that will take up a lot of examination, introspection and analyse, phase of 20-23 years, no interest in placements or studies or marriage, phase whether all the uncles, aunties and long lost relatives will definitely come up to you and ask you about your future plans and you will be like a caught red handed thief with that unfamiliar guilty feeling. Mark me they make you feel like that in every wedding !!

Introspection on the face of adversity has made me more aware of myself than I have ever been. The very fact that I can grit my teeth and handle this much pressure is damning evidence of age inappropriate emotional growth for a 20 year old.

I don't want to be stereotyped . I don't want to end up like every ordinary girl. I don't know what I want but still I don't want to get that incomplete feeling for not living my life as me when I am celebrating my 40th birthday.

I like the sun. Yes, despite the fact that he wrecks my complexion and gives me bad colour. I also like the dust and the heat and the humidity despite wheezing. I love walking around the streets at midday, with sweat dripping down my face, till my legs threaten to drop off if I don’t sit down. Reasons why I can never live with a desk bound job. I’ve realised that I’m badass like that.

When I’m alone and all by myself, my life’s a Never Look Song. Someday and soon, I wish to move out of home and be on my own.

I wanna travel a LOT. Again, alone. Without my phone ringing every half hour with someone calling to check on me. Without the fear of never coming back.  

I don’t exactly handle bad times with a smile plastered on my face. I can bring the roof down with my ranting and complaining. But truth be told, I want more of these at regular intervals in my life. I like believing that I’m gonna have tougher challenges in the future and that I’m gonna be pushing at my boundaries constantly. Just Like Miley sings-

                                    "There’s always gonna be another mountain.

                                      I’m always gonna wanna make it move!
                                          Always gonna be an uphill battle. 

                                         Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose.
                                          Ain’t about how fast I get there. 

                                  Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side.
                                                        It’s the climb!"

I don’t believe in astrology or fate. I don’t like the idea of some stupid lines on my palm or some unknown planetary movement light years away or some guy sitting on a fancy throne in the clouds deciding my life for me. So zip it and I am going to live my life in my own terms, Well I have been doing it for now sometime and I will be doing it too :P

I love being raw. I hate pretense. And I’m dropping all my earlier attempts at the art of acting nice. I don't think I am giving a heck to that mindless competition or fight or my page hits or likes or journals or music. So, come for the content, stay for the feel of it. Or whatever. I don’t care.

Until next time. Cheers. Cling Cling :P :D

Thoughts down the lane :)

As I sit and go through various photographs, trying to pick out the ones I want to put up on my desktop background, I take a slow stroll down memory lane. Joy, pain, sorrow, excitement, love, shyness, there is so much captured in all those photos. As I look at each one, a whole thread of memories follow. At one moment, I'm smiling, showing all my teeth and the next, I have a silent tear rolling down. I think of who I have been and who I am now. I'm amazed at the way I have evolved and grown. Painful memories suddenly don't hurt that much and what I thought was the worst moment in my life at some point, seem very funny to me now. As I smile and flip through the pages of the album, I feel like I have gotten into a time machine and I am going through my life all over again.

      There are times in this journey which makes me feel like hitting myself across the head for being so stupid and at other times, I just silently watch myself feel the pain and silently cry in the bathroom and, to say honestly I'm speechless and I wonder "Did I really have to go through all that for things that were just not worth it?". But before I have time to answer that question, I'm distracted by watching myself laugh, enjoy and love unconditionally. I smile, but somehow, its nowhere even remotely close to the laughter that I see. What happened to it? What happened to that unconditional love? What happened to the wholehearted joy?

I suddenly feel empty. With my head churning and my heart ready to burst with emotion, I come to the end of my journey and land at the.......present. As I sit there, with a zillion thoughts running through my mind and infinite emotions ebbing and flowing in my heart, I realise something I knew all along. Everything that I went through, the joy, laughter, pain, sorrow, love and everything else is what has brought me to where I am today. And suddenly, I'm no longer worried about what happened to my laughter or why I put myself through so much of pain in the past. All I know is, where I am right now is where exactly I'm supposed to be. And so what if it's not a very joyful time? I know I'll pull through to better days, because experiencing what I'm going through is what will lead me to what I'm looking for.

Oh, what I'm looking for? I have no idea, but I know that when I get it, I'll realise I wanted it all the while.

"Welcome to wherever you are,
This is your life; you made it this far.

you gotta believe,
That right here, right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be,
Welcome to wherever you are."

;)

"*Aaaachoooooooo*" ;)

Today, I ask you kadavule , to throw any kind of adversary you can imagine of at me, but never again, this damn cold, This damnation OF THE COLD !!! If ever given ever given an extra thought to what that 'common cold' can do to you? You are so wrong! Here I am , the sole witness to the evilness and brutality of that “common cold“ .It not only makes your nose run so hard it could win a marathon, triathlon or whatever Athlon; it changes your entire life.

Suddenly, you can't eat what you want. All those dahi chats and cold juices are sudden out of your lists. You may have the money that day by god’s grace and there will be your best friend will be standing like a hawk near the bill counter, making sure you order all hot things on a hot afternoon with a sweet disposition! Evil tyranny! You can't buy cokes, ice creams and all those chocolates that suddenly appear twelve * twenty four times tastier. Instead, you have to buy no less than 7 extra rolls of tissue paper.

You can't sit in lab without irritating your colleague with a *snort snort* every few minutes. You annoy them even more when you request them, with your phlegm-dripping nose, smelly handkerchief and *achhooooo* saliva dripping mouth, "Do you mind if I switch off the A/c for a while?” Imagine what being a constant annoyance at lab could mean. It can affect your treat, your morale, your work atmosphere, your productivity, your share of your colleague's lunch and so much more. But try asking for leave because you caught a cold, and they say, "Come on, it's just a cold". Just a cold? It could cost me my whole life, goddamnit!

Well if you're in college and a student though, cold can be fun. At least, for your classmates. It is afternoon, the room is warm, the boring lecturer is droning on to glory and everyone daydreaming with glazed eyes. And then, suddenly, "Acchoo!” There is a muffled mutter of 'Excuse me'. In the next two minutes, "Achoo Achoo" again. Now everyone's attention is focused on you. They are glad for the change - even sneezing sounds better than the lecture. The lecturer glares at you and goes back to his notes. He begins to speak again, "So, as I was saying, the most important concept you need to understand today is" - "Aa... Aah... Aacchhooo!” Now the class is in splits. "I'm so - *achhooo* - sorry, sssir" *acchooo*

Sleeping is a nightmare. If you sleep at all, that is. To start with, the A/c is switched off. Your delicate body that was accustomed to sleeping at 18 degrees centigrade refuses to sleep in the 30 degree nights of Chennai. And then there are the mosquitoes that use the non-a/c nights to the maximum and threaten to leave you anemic by morning. Then of course, there is the cold itself. Your nose either runs rivers down it (like Mumbai in the monsoons) or blocks itself up (like the Cauvery dam). Net result - you either need to keep awake all night trying to wipe goo off your face Or, you die of suffocation.

What cannot be cured has to be endured they say. But the thing with colds is that you have to endure them till they decide to cure themselves. Colds have character. I always remember Rajinikanth’s dialogue in “Chandramukhi” “Maatharai sapta 7 naal, maatharai sapdaati oru vaaram,” Anyhow this one week is gonna be a hell for me. Sometimes I can almost hear them mock at me when I pop in a pill, "You think you can kill me with that? Try me!” Well, say what you want, this one I'm never going to be able to make friends with.

All the owners of running noses in the world, I'm with you in your struggle against this horrible disease! See a doc, Stay patient (in both senses) and May the Lord bless you with the virtue of endurance. Amen.!

Home ?!

He glanced at his windows impatiently. His boss, the baldly IIT fellow was blabbering him about his new Ferrari. The evening rush was cruelest. He glanced at his watch piqued, not wanting to reach home late. He remembered the fight previous evening. His wife would be waiting.

She was dressed in his favorite strapless gown with little touché of makeup and ready, when he reached the door. A quick shower and they were off. He had booked the tickets in advance to the latest Shahrukh Khan flick. More than the movie it was the memory of the old college times together, they wanted to relish. Somehow the seats seemed to be smaller than they used to be just a few years earlier. Funny, she thought, how time comes to settle around the waist, like a tree’s girth around the trunk would tell the age. Then he took her hand in his and she forgot all about trees and girth.

She had wanted to go to the road-side eatery they used to frequently eat. He would be constantly fighting with his mom over the phone and she would be there feeding him the pav and wiping off his mouth. She cherished those teas and pav bhajjis. But he thought they had outgrown that stuff. He booked a table for two in the new restaurant that had come up in the vicinity of their old college campus. 

They went for a walk afterwards. A passing police-man recognized him and saluted smartly. He looked embarrassed. She smiled to herself, perhaps from memories of another time. Different memories. !

A mild breeze blew from across the lake. Her smell still sent a chill down his spine after all these years. She slipped on the pavement, having worn heels after a while now. He caught her. She held on to his arm for one moment longer.

It began to drizzle. The evening was past. He called for his driver. They went back.

Then he dropped her and went home to his wife and children.

Sounds :)

So finally my third year in college (Engineering ! Phewwww You know what I mean) is officially about to come to an end. Three different hostels, loads of fun, hand shifting responsibilities, breaks ups, make ups, exams , marks, gethu, arrears and what not. I could describe my three years not better than this. Somehow I know, it's not over. But back then in my first year where we stayed in a hostel with terrace, overlooking nothing but wild plants and , God's grace we were allowed to there, without getting any  piece of paper signed :P . Every Sunday or Saturday mornings I used to sneak out of my bed, stealthily not to wake the person sleeping next and used to sit terrace watching, wondering and hearing sounds. Continuous purring of my roommates sleeping, Peacock's swish, birds chirping, saroja ka's cooking downstairs, continuous pace of people walking up and down, mam's never ending scoldings, tap water running incessantly in the bathrooms, sleepy good mornings, random cinema number running in some room, tumble drying of cloths in the cord, cracking of clips, swotting up FCP or chemistry with exams effect in the air, unruffled badminton games outside the doors, few friends walking hand in hand, becoming best friends and hushed up plans of outing in the day were all few things I remember about my first year hostel "Bharathi Illam".  After that 20 to 30 minutes, I will drift to another round of tranquil sleep. You know something all, these would happen BEFORE "8:00 am". "Before 8:00", now, is like an adrifted distant dream and it's not literally possible for anyone to sleep at 4 and wake up before 8:00. So no giving me awkward stares !

What is so unusual about these sounds, you ask? Nothing, really. But as a someone staying away from home for the first time or maybe after a real long time, these were sounds of comfort. I will say Sounds of familiarity. Saranya's cooking sound, Amma's scoldings, Hushed tones of me and suga's make believe learning scam, Radio sounds from from siddhu's home and badminton matches on the street.

I have just finished eating yet another MESS meal of puli-sadham (which was like yellow, yes, definitely good yellow. But that tamarind/puli, they always went missing. Gaaawd ! ) but was at least edible.

I have never regretted leaving home. In fact, I was one of the few girls who didn’t even cry when our parents were leaving after settling us down in the hostel. In fact I was pushing my mother to go home literally and figuratively. I was excited. I was scared, of course, but I was enthused too. I was about to embark upon an adventure, the very first REAL-ME adventure of my life. All away from the sheltered life that I had grown accustomed to. Away from the city that knew me so well. No more hot home-made food waiting when I get back from classes famished. No more clean clothes that get magically washed and dried and ironed without me having to do anything at all. No more of knowing that no matter how late I get, Amma would come, wait and pick me up.

Those Sunday morning sounds were the one thing that I held on to. They helped me get through the rest of the week. Because I knew that no matter what changed, no matter what disaster had happened during the week, Sunday morning would bring me back that familiar optimism in people  and would restore faith in me that all is right with the world. Every time the pressure of assignments and studies got to me, those moments on that terrace brought me back to reality. They were like my ticket to sanity.

But gradually, the Sunday morning sound sounds waned. I stopped going there. The regular cloth dryings and fights there happened, of course. But not the Sunday morning ones. Or rather, it stopped mattering to me. Even if I did go there on Sunday mornings, which I almost always did, for drying or picking up from previous day's wash, I never bothered to listen to them. I never paid attention to them. Why is that? Was it because I had grown up and grown out of it? Did I not need my Sunday morning sounds anymore? Did I not need that comfort and familiarity anymore? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I got so wrapped up in "fending myself", that I didn’t feel the need to hear the familiar sounds. It was not a conscious decision. It’s something that happened without me even realizing it had.

I didn't realize this had happened, until today morning, back, when, the waking up at 6 for my roommates alarm triggered off the memory in my mind. The memory of Sunday morning sounds. And just like that, a hand clenched around my sheets, hands searching for my compeer. I had this sudden urge to go up, covertly and hear those sounds. But I couldn't. For there is no terrace in my present hostel :( . And It wasn't a Sunday, of course. You can’t hear Sunday morning sounds on a Thursday morning, can you, silly? So I waited.

And this morning, I kept alarm, woke up, freshened bit and took a stroll. And there they were. The peacocks swishing ,Swotting sounds of different subjects with the same exam effect, Sleepy good mornings, Tap water running incessantly, And my juniors playing badminton outside their hostel.

And all is right with the world again. :D :D

Do you have any such ritual, anything that you do just to reassure yourself that some things never change? Come on, there’s gotta be something.

P.S 1: I was in a mood to ramble today. To be honest, this post reflects my earliest kind of writing, when I used to write just for the heck of writing, not to be read. I wonder why I'm not able to write like that anymore. Hours of nonsense writing. I hope I didn't bore you. 

P.S 2: P.S's can be really annoying nah? :P

Gibran :D

Kahlil Gibran, the mystic Arab poet, has had one of the most profound influences upon my life.

He wrote about longing and belonging, of the pain and suffering of existence, and of love and of being forsaken.

He knew that there was something being a human that rode the skies with the angels, but that there was also a beast inside of him that was not yet human. And he loved all three of them. And I loved how he he was able to accept all the three.

In my days of utter madness which of course is now :P , I would find refuge in the utterances of his 'Madman' and find solace. 

As a girl, I was bound to my family and school, not because of my commitment but believing it understood me, moulded me and grew me, As days went I was bound to various things as I grew, my friends, their friends, my college, my workplace, my husband , his family, my kids and it went on..Finally I lost count of the things I got bounded.. Then One day I realized out of narrow blues, I can now see that those who understand us, enslave something in us. ! And those are part of few things that are worth living :D

In Love, I drew him near to me with his words, and his gibberish made me laugh.

He taught me to be at peace with my solitude, and I could finally come to see my place on the earth.

Cautioned me not to measure the strength of the ocean by the frailty of its foam.

He suggested that to see faces, one has to learn to look beneath the fabric that one's own eyes had woven, and behold the reality beneath. I have since come to realize that its a cruel thing to deny people of their deceptions, to try to see the man beneath the mask. I know, now, that the mask is the man.

Bread baked without love feeds ,but half ,a man's hunger, and I have tried to be brave enough to see that my work might indeed be, love made visible.

Too bad, he didn't have armies spreading his word. The World would've been so much a better place. !

Writings and Food..!

Please be aware, this post is entirely due to my narcissistic love of language and my idiotic musings at oddly ungodly hour of the night. And this may be the answer, I think to a question asked to me two years back. I sat on the terrace, unforgiving engrossed in the Sidney Sheldon flick, purely enchanted by his masala way of telling a story ,and, all of a sudden, I found the book confiscated by my friend with that impish smile in her face, a smile that made me go weak and She asked "What is that stupid thing you love about this language or this book".

My answer was definitely never Sidney but thinking about it for a while , I got the answer. No man, I don't love Sidney Sheldon or Paulo Coelho or Jeffrey or even Shakes, I am in love with the language.

Seeing the title, you may wonder what has gotten into me, I know I know I am taking my hit on two extremities. But still I am able to relate so much with writings, food and my life. I have not oriented abstractly on three. But for some unknown reason, this post rang a bell to me.

If Languages could be eaten ... I'd say English is my favourite cuisine. (My English teachers would be extremely proud to here this word from me and #Shenbakam sis too)
I would have gobbled up all the words and would still be craving for more.

Novels = Junk food, like parotta or fast food..Spicy & tangy & Sexy too! (We always fall for the bad guys)

Classics = A bottle of Old wine or nethu vacha meen kozhambu. !

Poems =  Special servings that you try but you may not end up liking always, greens and bitter guard.

Idiom and phrases = Dessert ! Totally irresistible. !

There's something so silky about this language.

It's bad that I have been only exposed to this, in spite of growing in the midst of another giant, Tamil.

Someday I am gonna write about that too.


And so - the how  and why and who and what and when and where shall be  answered in unison :

I like to write.
I LOVE to write.
And I write for myself.

Idle Moments :)

I sit by my window, at my place, in the midst of all the bags my roommates could haggle, loads of unfinished work lying in front of me, university practicals tomorrow and still not more than 2 completed. I sip my tea, much-needed black tea, enjoying the wonderful aroma and flavor of it. I hear merriment in the next room and I take they are celebrating. I walk to window and look for the moon. I take in the dark clouds, chilly wind, the leaves swaying in the wind. I can hear the crickets twittering, probably looking for better shelter than my hostel.
Ah…what an idyllic moment. !
I remember, in my blog, some post, the tagged-writing one I guess, in my list of “things I believe in”, one of the things I’d written was “Happiness is definitely a state of mind”. In retrospect, what prompted me to write that? Did I always believe in that? Or did circumstances prompt me to think like that? Again, I don’t know…
But I think, at some level, I do know. I guess I realized the value of happiness after I came to Karaikudi, or, to be more specific, when I left home. Again, I come back to square one. Home.
Everybody takes things for granted. That’s…basic human nature. You take your family for granted, your friends for granted,…I guess I took my home for granted…my space. Where I had everything…my own room, my books, my comp, my T.V. and most of all, my family. Amma, who’s probably the best mom ,a stubborn, scatter-brain like me could have got. Sometimes. I mean, what have I ever done for her, except given a lot a tension and talk back. And we do fight. 

So then, what exactly am I doing nearly 100 kms away from home? Am I being a complete idiot? Or am I trying discover myself ? Bullshit !! Bollocks !! Who am I kidding? The only thing I've discovered so far is that living alone costs a lot of money, and at the end of the day, all that freedom and all, is just not fun anymore. All you want to do is eat some proper home-made food, and cuddle up in your bed.
So, where does happiness figure in all this? Miles away from home, among people I’m not sure I even like (barring a very few), what crap am I out to discover? That people can be really mean and bitchy and selfish? That there isn't inherent goodness in everyone as I used to believe? As Calvin once pondered with Hobbes “ Are human beings basically bad with some good tendencies, or basically good with some bad tendencies”( these are not the exact words. But it’s on similar lines). But yes, I have learnt to be happy about the smallest things. The long walks we enjoy around my awesome campus. The occasional eating-out jaunts that we take. The long Bajji-sessions that we have in the hostel roads, which can go on for- on some days- 2-3 hours. The steaming cup of chai and vada at the canteen at every 11'o clock break.. The feeling of being a kid again when running madly playing run and catch..
I guess that’s one thing that’s helped me remain sane in this madhouse is My childishness. Others may think it’s silly, but I find solace in it. I find refuge in that, and I find freedom in that.
And I find joy in rambling like this…
My tea’s over, some sugar crystals dried to the cup-bottom. It’s dark outside. And I don’t have any more excuses to shirk away from learning those VLSI experiments.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep…
And miles to go before I sleep…

Time *-*

A brilliant Physicist of 28 years, 

He never noticed her,

It's been three years, since they were married,

He wanted to gift her his accomplishment,

He worked relentlessly for it,

His hard work paid in full when Nobel committee rang that evening,

He had not gone home for 4 days,

He ran to home from his lab,

All He saw was, her lying cold on the floor,

Pills scattered on the floor,

....He walked with unforgiving pace,

Up and Down in the Hospital Corridor,

For first time his fear has taken toll and he prayed the Lord,

He knew he was losing Her,

The Doctor paced hurriedly outside the room,

How much more time does she have doctor?" He asked.

" A couple of hours maybe" Said the doctor sadly.
All his life as a Physicist had taught

TIME=DISTANCE/SPEED.,

But only this time, it would not remain a Constant.

He sank on the chair, wondering what he had accomplished !

Comedy of Errors :P

It still amazes me that the statement "Assumption is the mother of all F*** ups". We all seem to know what is best and what the other means without verifying it. I was totally shocked when I heard that my friend may have a boyfriend just because she goes home every weekend and speaks over phone at late nights. Everyday when she sits with me and explains her pathetic situation,  all I do is Roll over the floor and Laugh. Why ASSUME when you don't know ? That made me write this post.

In theory there are several options;

1. We assume the other person thinks like us;
As we are all human we think for and from ourselves. This means that we have a certain order in the chaos in our head that is very logical to the individual. Since we cannot look into the other person’s chaos (yet), we assume he/she has the same kind of structure, because to us, this seems logical. In doing so, we forget the fact that every chaos is unique as is the structuring of it. This structuring of the chaos is compulsory to make sense of it all. If we can make sense of something, the other person should be able to as well. And thus the assumption has been created.

2. We presume that the other party is on the same level as us;
We are all professionals, working or non working because we have a small certain level of education and or knowledge. Because of this, we should be at least on the same level of "brainpower". Even though this might be true if speaking in general, the application of this "brainpower" is different for everyone. As some people can think abstract, others might never be able to. Next to this, different levels of approach are often causing the problem. Someone from the business might have a complete different idea about a certain requirement then someone from IT.

3. We think we know it all (been there, done that);
As we meet different people, we tend to do the same thing with everyone because of the fact that this is a best practice and/or it works best for us. Which is not a bad thing obviously (don't invent the wheel every time). But by doing so, we might forget that new people means new experience , means new...well actually everything. We should not be sure that the best practice is applicable here as well without some fine tuning and adapting to the current situation.

4. We don't read thoroughly enough;
When we read documents, we can do this in many ways. By just reading what it says or intensively trying to make sense of it all and finding out if what it says really is correct. Even the later can be done from many viewpoints. We assume that statements in the documents are overall correct and that the professional that wrote it, would probably know what he/she was talking about. Especially when it seems to be very complex or Simply our Printed Lab records.

5. We don't dare to ask, because the other party might think we are stupid;
We all know it; afraid of asking a question because everyone seems to know what someone is talking about. But...there are no stupid questions, only stupid answers! We don't like to be seems as stupid or ignorant, so we just avoid asking the questions and might try and find out what is being said in another way. Or make an assumption (and there it is again). Asking questions is easy, getting answer too, this becomes more difficult as days go by , because people would expect you to know what it is about. Then again, we cannot read each other's minds.

6. We don't dare to ask, because we are stupid;
Well....that is certainly the case with some people....but actually this is a lost case...just replace them ;)

All in all, some points why we make assumptions in my opinion which is one of the biggest pitfalls of Epic flop ! Especially when assumptions across parties are made.

Most effective tip I can give is ; DARE TO ASK ANYTHING & EVERYTHING ELSE IT WILL START BURNING !

-Thoughtless Saint gave his piece of mind and well I did d some ramifications :P

It was just it ;)

They didn't talk about holding hands or hearts. She didn't expect him to take her to his family and give introductions. He didn't want to be grateful for the love she showered on him every day.  They didn't talk about how they will sit on their veranda together and watch the sunset, deciding the names for their babies. They did not discuss about what sort of car they should buy or the house they are going to build, their house of dreams. He didn't tell her how much he loved her laugh or how beautiful she looked in the morning. She didn't want him to kiss her goodnight every night. He didn't appreciate how caring she is or how she loved the fact that he made her laugh. He didn't have to remember the important birthdays and she didn't have to answer his family.

Instead, they spoke about how much they wanted to kiss. They read stories together that could turn on them. They spoke about how they can’t seem to keep their hands off each other. They spoke about luscious lips and broad shoulders. They both knew, even without saying it as much, that they would end up 'doing it’, sooner or later, because, you know, it felt like the most natural thing in the world for them.

They did not want love. That’s not what they were looking for. Love was rubbish, they both agreed. It had only brought them pain so far. Their pasts had taught them that. So they had decided, mutually, that there were no commitments from either of them. Nope. None whatsoever. They didn't want to give a name to this relationship. They were afraid if they name it, someday they may end up losing it. They were happy the way things were. He had never felt this way for any girl. No girl had ever turned him on the way she did, and she wasn't even a babe. But there was something about her. She hadn't felt this sort of dizziness around any other guy. Each time he was around, the world stopped spinning around her. It was just him and her. In many ways, they were Xerox copies of each other.

She knew that this may never last. She was no fool. And definitely not an emotional fool. She knew what kind of a guy he was. He was the kind who ran in the other direction at the mere mention of love and commitment. But at that point, that’s exactly what she wanted. No commitment. No future. No “Where is this going?” No "We'll go to Mauritius on our honeymoon." No "We'll have one son and one daughter". She was aware that at a later point in life, she might regret it, but she also knew that she didn't want to live her entire life not knowing what being passionate about someone was. She didn't want to regret that she had the opportunity to feel that way for somebody, but had let it pass because she was afraid to take a risk. She had never been a risk-taker, but she was willing take one, just this one.

And so she did. They did. It was the first time for both of them. The very first. And it was not tender and soft or anything of that sort. It was mad, urgent and crazy. It was an adventure for them.

But when it came to the actual thing, they couldn't do it. Because it was just too painful for her. They tried and tried. But he couldn't bear to see her in so much of pain. She didn't want to disappoint him, so she held back her tears . But the minute he saw her eyes moist, he stopped. "I’m sorry", she said. "Never mind, We’ll try some other time" he said.

So they tried again. But it refused to work out. Somehow, it just wasn't happening. How come when they show it in movies and write about it in books, they make it out to be so easy, they asked each other. They would try for a while, and then they would just lie there, exhausted. Exhausted just out of trying. And then gradually, they started talking more. Talking about their lives, their past, their dreams, their hopes. They started sharing about each other. They spoke about how they were both afraid to commit because they had lost faith in love. They spent many afternoons, lying next to each other, wondering what this was. He was still afraid to commit, and she still didn't know if she wanted a relationship. She even told him that if he ever decides to walk away, she will never try to hold him back, but will always think of him as the guy who had stirred never-before-felt feelings in her.

And then, somewhere along the way, it had stopped being just physical. Somewhere along the way, emotions had crept in, unknowingly. Somewhere along the way, love had crept in. The bastard.

And that’s when they stopped trying to have sex and started making love. And then it happened. Just like that. The magic happened. It didn't hurt anymore.

Maybe falling into bed together before they fell in love worked for them, in some weird, inexplicable way.

He’s still afraid of commitment. And she still considers him the biggest risk she ever took.

But they both know…

They are in love in.

Not because they were desperate. Simply because it felt like the most natural thing in the world, you know. 

Inspired by Divya and Gibran.

Coughing **Shamelessly advising with grin** Coughing- Blah Post !

I got reminded of that word again, #Levy Satchmo, and that word is "Blah". I wanted to really know what does that word mean. I was first introduced to that word only after noticing my teacher sign her name as Blah in my record( that was totally, incorrigibly and drivelly made no sense with her sweet name, believe me I loved her name).Recently again my friend's facebook status was a feeling (Down with Mark and his feelings !)and it said "so -and-so is feeling Blah" .WTF ! Actually what is she feeling ?!

 I could not understand and I again turned to the modern age genie in my hand  "Google" mama and asked him.  According the urban dictionary Blah is a word used in an after sentence, when no one is talking, or when a person has nothing else to say.

So I thought of that word of the day and used it in my diary.

An excerpt:

I'm in a very blah mood these days. I don't feel like writing. Or reading. I open other blogs, read halfway, and close the page. I don't leave kilometer-long comments in facebook. I haven't updated my blog in almost a month. I can't think of anything even remotely interesting to post. I have about three-four half-done posts in my drafts, victims of my laziness and lack of concentration. In spite of having a holiday almost every weekend.
So ya, BLAH.

love yo,

Bharani Kumar.

     But then, just like a donkey sometimes needs a kick to start working, so do I (No connection whatsoever, I swear). I got some from Sindhu and Nandhu. Thanks, you both. The fact that there are people waiting to read what I write, was the kick I needed.

But even then, I'm not in the mood to write anything new. I racked my brains, then raided my drafts.

I had written this post a few months back, but never published it. This post is something, Something out of my craziness. Some are from personal experience, some from observation.

So here it is. Add on if you have more.

You know you've got to take a break from the internet, your mobile, whatsapp and what-not techie when...:-

1)  Instead of telling the autokaar “Anna, u-turn podunga”, you say, “Anna, youtube podunga”. (I swear, I said this to the autokaar and he gave me this This-is -what-you-youth-are kevalama look. I'm not exaggerating.)

2)  Your dreams become very specific. Instead of random visions and nightmares, you see little thumbs-up’s, numbers followed by ‘friends who like your status’, smiles etc. (Especially the day I had put up a new status update. And then I would wake up in the middle of the night and log onto FB. :P , No mean looks please)

3)  You have a brand new expensive Fast track watch on your wrist, but still take out your phone to check the time.

4) There is a literal itch in your fingers to surf onto the net even for the silliest question.

5) You don’t have money but you thought it’s more important to get your SMS and internet recharge done.

6) You think the internet can give you a better recipe for Biriyani than your mom can.

7) Even when you’re out having a coffee or at a movie with friends, you need to log on and tag the friend and the location in a virtual setup.

8) You would rather say LOL and ROFL than actually laugh out loud and roll on the floor and laugh.

9) You keep alarm to wake up in the middle of the night and check whether your torrents have finished downloading, and then queue up a new one.

10) You are constantly on the lookout for things that you can write about in your blog or put up as a status update.

11) You are constantly checking for Whatsapp updates and waiting for another friend to text when one is over.

12) There is a voice at the back of your head that’s been telling you to give it a break, but you ignore it, justifying that the internet is a treasure trove of information, when all you do the whole day is Facebook and read blogs and Whatsapp and play online games.

14) You almost fell into a ditch, run over by a vehicle and escaped walking headlong into a tree because you were busy chatting on your phone.

15) You didn't even realize the next person sitting next to you and waiting for YOU to come back.

16) Someone near and dear leaves you, no matter what, coz you are not spending time.

Friends High time, Take a break, See around, Don't lose people and gala gala :D :D

So as I was saying, blah blah blah, blah, blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah, blah....:P :P

Tiny Tales- The Divide :)

She jumped out from her van

 And rushed into the house waiting for him to return from office,

She was excited, thrilled, was leaping from sky to earth

Her hard work paid its full price,

Today she attended her first sentence forming class,

And she received a standing ovation for her sentence,

He came,

Grumpily shouted her to get inside the room,

Dejected, she ran inside the room with tears in her eyes,

He sat in front of the TV and tuned to News Channel,

He switched off the news,

He didn't know " How to tell her, how to make her understand."

She’d just learned to write “I belong to Andhra Pradesh” 

Truth !

I am still drifting to the time of being accused for portraying a lie. Something in my mind still doesn't allow the shaking of that thought. I wander again and again on to the line that said “Don't you lie”.  My mind has a sudden urge towards asking that, what is the escalating truth then? 

My intellect is swinging on to the all the times that I had known truth. To all the times that I had sensed the truth beneath the skin of all the false that occurred. I can totally relate to the falseness that can creep amidst the faltering situations, the only way brain reacts to it is to surrender and believe it. I am sceptical if that little thumping thing on the left side of our chest does that. (Call it heart, I don't quite trust to call it that way but, call it a scream that you do not bother to listen most times).

As I muddle over it, truth appears as the silent ocean that has ruffled waves on its surface, and beneath lays a calm core as deep as it can be. Sometimes nurturing all the beings that come to its surface, and sometimes shedding them off towards the deserted shore. The truth pretty much has the face like that of a sea (ruffled surface that you panic to dive in and a calm core that nurtures its dwellers once you gather the courage).  It can either drown you or can let you survive.  It is all that casts skeptics amidst all the loathing and yet is as perennial as love.

I am no judge here I believe and neither are the survivors like me. But my sanity lies in realizing what dwells inside the agonizing soul.

Like the sand and the sea,  

The silver moon and the starry night,

The river and the shrine,

It stands tall and divine.

No truth that lays its face in between the lines of a tattered page, unsung poem, words of dumb or on the edges of a torn book. It is a notion of complex bearings that lies underneath all. 

- verving self. 

-Inspiration and Credits to Palak.

Tiny tale: The Pay check :)

He sat there,
Over a small bund near the banks of Narmada,
Vaguely remembering anything from around,
The continuous chants of mantras,
Wailed sobs of his inner self,
Nothing,could break his wall,
He sat there, motionless looking over the evening sun,
Suddenly everything came to a deadly pause,
All He had to do was flow her ashes down the water,
And He did, taking away her last remaining mortal dust,

A year later, He slid an envelope into that same gushing water,

The First paycheck always have to go to Mother..

Inspired from Envelope by Shefali

Pepsi Ungal Choice- Blogger Bug :P

Wow someone actually asked me write this and add in my blog, well I will say its my own friend, and she pinged me and said me to do it (MUST) , just like threatening me over facebook likes for all her posts. Goof I am doing it ! Actually it was more of Pepsi uma sort of thing and I was reluctant of reading at first but then I found it quite fun and started garnishing to her taste. Hope you read and enjoy as much as I do. Not only to her but to everyone .

10 Things I've realized/ 10 realizations ( I know you will annoyed when you hear the word "realization" coz of my facebook statuses, But machi nalla kochuko :P)

1) It's great to be a kid. Being grown-up sucks.

2) Ego can never get you anywhere.

3)There's nothing like home. It's the best place to be.

4)Whatsapp and facebook can only help you to start any relationship, then its in your own hands to make it success or...

5)When it rains, whole world comes to life and I become alive.

6)Nothing or Nobody can kill a year old relationship, except those two.

7)No matter wherever you go, or how far you go, you will never be far away from your family and friends. It's all in the mind. Distance can never push family and friends away.

8)Always cherish even the most smallest moments in life. You may not get the opportunity again.

9)It's very important to have an "I don't care" attitude in life sometimes, but not always.

10)Reading helps you restore sanity. Believe me.

9 things I'm glad about.

1)The great set of people I have in my life, every single one of them.

2)Kids, no matter whose.

3)Books.

4)Chess and Basketball.

5)Ice creams, Chocolates, strawberries and Parottas.

6)Monsoon rains.

7)Music.

8)My laugh, though it may bother others around.

9)Good food

8 Things I badly want to do

1)Travel, travel and travel.

2)Go to Kinsale for my honeymoon, which I'm aware is a long time away. But still, no harm in wishing, right.

3)Go home.

4)Learn guitar and salsa ,or at least anyone of those.

5)Go back to kindergarten and sit in Julie mam's class.

6)Get drunk at least once in life.

7)Be bold enough to tell my mom about some things in my life.

8)Live in some hill station, silent and unbridled with a dog on guard.

7 Things I often tell myself.

1)I'm crazy, but it's perfectly ok to be crazy.

2)You're great the way you are, whether the world thinks so or not.

3)There's no need to study everyday or be up to date with your assignments.

4)Laugh a lot, Bunny, coz that's what keeps you sane.

5)If you can finally learn to do Engineering drawings, then you can anything in life.

6)You're an awesome singer, no matter how off-key you may sound to others.

7)Talking to yourself is not a sign of insanity

6 promises

1)I will learn guitar some time in my life.

2)I will travel a lot, at least before I get married and have kids.

3)I will never grow up. I'll try my best not to

4)I will respect the people in my life, and will make peace with some people before I die.

5)I will try and make every effort to not lose people in life anymore.

6)I will not clutter and make a hell of mess in my room.

5 things I believe in

1)My mom and her relentless prayers.

2)The healing power of music.

3)Happiness is definitely a state of mind.

4)The world is not all that bad you know. You just have to change your perspective.

5)Hugs can mend anything.

4 people I wanna thank

1)My family, for everything. I am.

2)My friends from school, the brat-pack from Holy Cross,Tuticorin. Reshi,Lin,Lev,Vinu,Nits,Bhags,Nina,Meenz and Hari.

3) Friends who saw me go through toughest phases, still hung to me even after knowing that I could do all sorts of non-sensical mess and who still love me no matter.

4)Me, myself and I, coz I love me. Well, most of the time.

3 Confessions

1)I am terribly terrified of darkness and ghosts.

2)I solemnly swear I am up to no good. (Suttufied from Harry Potter)

3)I don't have any ambition in life, and I'm not ashamed to confess it.

2 things I never wanna do in life

1)Get busy, so busy that I don't have time for anyone or anything.

2)Die thinking that I didn't ask sorry or propose.

1 Thing I have utmost faith in

Laugh a lot. Not because it'll help you live longer or anything, but because its the wackiest feeling in the world when you laugh and your tummy starts aching and tears pour down. Trust me. Life is not all about surviving, It's about living.

Turning Twenty ;)

So what does turning twenty imply? The end of glorious hormones filled teenage? Or is that you have graduated from oneself into another yourself for this society ? Questions apart all that could clutter down to my mind is "it definitely means you have just completed your second decade on planet earth totally alive and still going to live." ;)

Why am I talking about it now ? Well, simple enough,one of my friends turned twenty in one of the premier Insti of India ( Well we don't study there, we just visited :P) and she declared the day before, “So our teen days come to a BIG end”, and it struck us that we were not kiddies anymore and all of sudden we all looked so big, grown up and grumpy with stress lines in our forehead.

The realization struck my friend harder than on me. I turned 20 a month ago, and had come to terms with the reality of the situation witn great difficulty. She was just talking down the fact, that I had just digested. Not talking but so sheepishly lamenting like a drunk ( Only 7up and lemon..No Hot drinks allowed ! :( ) And so she held that oh-no-so-nostalgic look, reminiscing our adolescent attractions, crushes, crazes blah blah..from school gates to tutition gates (Well She could not exactly number them ! ;)). But I knew it from the look on her face that she was full of fond memories, romantic or otherwise (I am not sure of that :/ ).

And when I actually think of it, my adolescent years were also artistically adorned with incidents that bring a sweet smile and sometimes even a hot blush to my face! Not because I have loads stories of secret crushes, or of few snatched stolen glances, but because we used to see it in abundance around us (not the ‘kisses’ part). We used to giggle profusely (yeah, the girlish giggle), used to keep count on how many boyfriends the most popular girl in class had, discuss scandalous stories about the school, the teachers etc which seemed to originate from an entity well known to all : ‘hearsay’.

Most of the time we would bet on whether it was true or just a fleshy piece of gossip. And interestingly, each one of us would forget the bet because the next scoop would come up within no time, leaving no room for further discussion on the old topic. Our world used to centre on these things. Thinking about it day in and day out, being an important hobby.

If crushes and crazes occupied one half,the other half pulled out the nerd in us. To beat your friends in this subject and that. Studying hard for that extra 2 marks, that would place you on a ledge higher than the rest. Though this was one area no one could avoid, there were a lot of people who were well at distance with studies.

I was among the naughty and smart lot (ahem !?) who was always affected by the mischief’s we used to do. In studies as well as everything else, I mean. Never once had I faced my teachers’ wrath on the grounds that I do everything else other than study. Somehow I managed stay aboard in school. Well College is a different ball game. That’s one thing I am quite proud of.

But when I speak of being a part of mischief’s, my friends and I (Mrs.Nirmala taught us "Never use me or I in first place") knew quite well where to draw the line and so successfully kept the blues at bay. Well sometimes we managed to go ashore and return safely, only after much anticipation. We were never perturbed by the threats of the teachers. And seldom got caught. That is, catch-me-if-you-can Leonardo.
And we always had the beauty of getting caught for the slightest of crimes! Always and especially from Mrs.Joes. And how I wished I could take over the uncanny knack of freeing from the toughest of knots. Alas ! I could never apply that technique for small issues and to her.

So those were the things when we were going on 17. By the time I turned 18 I am at college. And what a vast change it was. Not in us. But the two institutions, school and college. Getting rid of the school uniform, not having to walk about in an assembly line was all good. But I still used to miss my school and the carefree time I spent there. It took a couple of months to fine-tune myself to the new system.

We saw each other turning 18, then 19 and now finally 20. And do I see any difference? Ummm…at 18 we were proud of our status as a ‘major’ from that of a ‘minor’. We were still the same old school girls ready to burst into fits of giggles at any opportune moment. We discussed fashion, films, school life and…yea…that’s about it. At 19, the effects of being in an ‘all girls’ college were dominantly visible and we used to discuss articles in the newspaper, mostly related to atrocities on women. Fashion and films were still a hot favourite.

And at 20 I guess, we are more or less the same. We still feel we are 15 and get irritated when someone randomly pops up and starts giving us advice. We are mature enough to understand things but do get unnerved when pestered. And that, I think is a sign of adolescence. And at 20, you are actually supposed to behave like a woman. And often, you just can’t help being the child you are.

And so when my about-to-be-twenty friend exclaimed, ‘So teen days come to a BIG end!’ I asked her, ‘Do you really think so ?’
With a wink she asked me, ‘What do you think machi ?’
I gave her one of my impish smiles and told her ‘Well yes, teen years are over. But pots like us, never seem to grow out of it.’

Yes, when it comes to age, we like to remain static. Now I know what it means to be young-at-heart! ;)

Tiny Tales- Love again :*

Tomorrow is my 14th wedding anniversary,

Unknown to him, 

I slipped out of our Sunday kitchen in the names of cloves,

Hurriedly, I start shopping books for him,

Scanning from aisle to aisle,

From fiction to commerce,

Economics to biographies,

Less than five minutes my trolley is full,

With the whole Landmark staring through my skull,

I walked wearily towards the cash counter,

There, then I saw him,

With another trolley full of craft materials and a greeting card,

Sheepishly grinning at me and glancing me with intense love,

He pulled me towards him and paid the counter,

And that was the umpteenth time I fell in love with him again.

Sweetos Vs. Spoiltos :P

One of the recent happenings led me to write this article..!

Are you familiar with that kind? Those kids who get top marks in your class where ever that maybe, the kid who is always found with their nose in some hi-fi technical subject books, with those nerdy glasses, always thinking and talking about their next step in their progressive life, completes all the homework and assignment three days in advance, sits always in the first bench and answers and attends every test, the one who readily gobbles up any advice given by parents and teachers without a single baulk or sign of irritation. (And “realizes that its all for good”..!), obeys and respects all elders, has never heard or talked of those four lettered ketta varthais in English, avoids all those midnight talks in your room, talks on the phone for a precise 5 minutes, does not know to text or texts only in full English without any grammatical errors, eats whatever mom gives,  even if that includes lettuce and bitter gaud..(Yea, you're getting the idea, aren't you?). They are the ‘civilized’ and ‘refined’ youth, according to the elders and society who according will score a great cut-off and end up in one of the best colleges in the state, maintain a CGPA of 9.8, go to America for a job, marry a girl of parents choice and contribute greatly towards the development of India society from there :P.  They never play prank on anyone their whole life, or start out with any rebellions, they never speak to strangers, they watch only those highly educative channels in tv, and they are the best material for being the so-called Teacher’s Pet!

In short, they are ones who get that affectionate pinch on the cheek from every uncle, aunt, next-door neighbour, or cousin’s friend’s brother’s wife… with nice and long…“WHAT a chweeeeeeeet kid!”

And then, there is the other type. My type (: D)

They are rebels in their own way. They'll ask you what ‘homework’ means, they are most essentially the last-benchers, sometimes get stuck up in the middle row, but mind it not a step forward more than that, and they aren't exactly on top of the merit list, though they're really bright (sometimes :P). They'll be the first ones to "SHOUT" in every match or culturals. They all live by a simple philosophy – “Live for Today, Plan for Tonight, Party Tomorrow!” :D
They can never stand advise, they talk on the phone ALL night (whether friend or boyfriends, heaven alone knows), they love their pizzas, burgers or fast food, and would flinch at the sight of ‘Pavakkai or keerai’. Their favourite channel is probably all those music channels,comedy or always movies and they'd use words you wouldn't really want me to write in here(Well its only sometimes).

Now, I have to be honest here and admit that both the above cases are exaggerations. :-)
Those paragraphs written above are merely comic relief. :-) What follows is the real thing.
If you wanted to find someone who satisfies everything I've written up there (I meant both cases), chances are that you'll be as successful as the Indian Hockey Team.

But I think this is Exactly the kind of discrimination adults tend to make. If a girl scores well in class and listens to her elders, she is “sweet” and a “good girl”. If the same girl wants to have a sleepover or tries to get a tattoo, she’s been ‘spoilt’..(mostly by ‘bad friends’!!)

Why can't people stop branding? Why can't children be children? Why are we always treating them like a "Wanted terrorist" ? How is it that Only a child who scores well, talks less and behaves like a puppet is ‘good’?? Come on, children aren't judged by what clothes they choose to wear or what food they choose to eat. It’s time for adults to take a fresh look at things. Not all class-toppers make civilized citizens, after all. ! So think ! Good or bad, a kid is always a kid.

The Writer in me ;) :D

Some noodles, chips and a movie, well it was Iron Man 3 . I sat, alone preferably with occasional texting at hand in my old Nokia lost-oh-touch C203 . Lost track of the events for a while to think. I stretched and let my mind shout at high pitched voice: Get back and focus on the movie . Yet my mind wandered away into that oblivion of thoughts.

" No comparisons made. Too many differences. She had an easy life, and the world never fails to remind her of that fact. There was so much condescension around, wasn't there?
So she didn't know much about the world. Big deal. Did everyone who seemed worldly know much about it? So she, too, lived. Just like everyone else.  There was a lot going on. So many living in their own private worlds. They didn't want to be disturbed."

 As I condensed deeply into my own world and my mind began twisting the nuances of the character into a 

scene. So the scene went like this:

"The decisive character,  Yes that main character made her point so clear, persisted continuously to the point of demanding things till her friend had no choice but yield. Thoughts and feelings began to show, words poured out in frustration, and she watched her friend's timid, happy to feel cared about face, change into troubled. The foregoing friend articulated, "Some people had a way of getting a person open up. I wished I was such a demanding friend, asking because I had a right and getting a chance to show how much I cared. Thinking that people will tell you things without you asking is very farfetched. I was among those who waited to be asked till I told all, so it was unfair asking any different from people. I  was taking my time to do things. Taking time to change things. Time. I knew time was vital, and I am  learning patience. No more unrealistic plans that never saw the light of day. No more of that. It did way more bad than good".

The scene ended but I was already lost in its details. I was confused, Well I will call it a "Writer's Mayhem". Was it a special bond between those two? Surely not. No, I couldn't honestly say because I never thought about that part of the story. Perhaps it is a special bond, or it will be after this, who knows? 

Oh My Gaaaawd !! Where was the movie going? What happened to Tony Stark and Pepper Potts ??I couldn't believe myself, I again lost track of it. Again. It was coming to an end, what were they fighting about? Do I have to go back and watch again? I must. So rewind. I felt myself close to surrendering to my thoughts again. This time, No. I will fight it. The movie ended soon enough. I don't want to give in. I don't want to think anymore, it was agonizing most of the time. It was draining me dry. I felt like putting everything on hold.. Enough is enough. 

A walk. Yeah a walk will clear my head. Suddenly my reflection in the mirror troubled me. I laughed it off, tried to make a silly face. It didn't matter or get better. 

I  knew what I needed, but couldn't ask for it. That was enough. I occupied myself with something else. It worked. The story is starting to lay its hands on me. The scenes, thinking about that will force me into desolation, away from this world into some other world of my characters Yet, whenever I am alone it comes back to haunt me. What should I do? The answer is WRITE. Realising that I am the answer , I wash my face and run to join the gang of friends for a hearty chit chat :D B|

My Music, Me and Bass ;D :D

I am not a great musician, but I love to hear songs and that drove me towards musical instruments. I am not a music expert, but I learn fast. I will probably never be a performer, but I enjoy my music. I totally do. Especially Bass.

 Learning instrument and playing it perfectly was never towards any goal. The learning itself, is the reward. As the teacher plays his three fingered chords with precision , and tries brings out the maximum best out of you, your minds begins to open up, feebly at first and then strongly, resonating to the beat of the song with the liquid perfection of the master's. And then he lets you go. You pick it up and to your surprise, surprise yourself with a good rendition. Ah, that joy !

If you don't get it, let me explain.

You have a hard day at college, mostly from sitting simply and a rough edge with a cranky staff from your department (Ever wonder how students are always stuck with that "ONE" staff ?). Your head is filled with Internal marks, observations, silly fight with your buddy you have to reconcile, a lie to escape from the ball practice and some random filmy song that was playing in your room that morning.  Finally with all these cramming your mind, you see your building at last after a half kilometre walk .As you slump down on the chair, your teacher invites you to play setting up the instrument. Reluctantly, you agree.

As you stand by the instrument like a solider enlisted for agoge and let your fingers resonate with the C D E, you are half refreshed. Then begins the prelude. Flowing like a river, you take in the song, with all its force, regality and little gurgles as it crosses over pebbles. Just as the lude ends, you can't wait for more. The next, stanza enthrals even more - takes you deeply into the flow which is just like the birth place of any river as she trickles out of a tiny space . Slowly getting stronger, she flows out first as a stream, then gets stronger. And then more stronger. She waters the plants, buffalos lazing about taking a bath, a deer waiting to quench its thirst, goldfish jumping in and out for eternity and the kingfisher waiting for the right moment to strike. She gets more stronger and her currents become untameable, finally breaking the banks. By the end you are so into the sound that your feet and minds are one with song, the note and the bass. You become uncontrollable let your emotions flow along your fingers and smile at person you caught, smiling at you. And finally you traverse back into the first few lines.. Ending with a simple yet another resilient bass note - like a glass of cool water on a hot summer noon and then a sudden spatter in your face.

Haven't you by now forgotten everything else in the world but the amazing beauty that music makes you see? That little something that comes out of nothing, those random images that you see through your eyes when the song moves on like a red velvet on your throat and that note of emotion that finds a place in your song as a whole package - that, my friend, is music.  :)

That's what learning and making music is all about - being human, being peaceful, being blissfully you.

P.S: I don't know what I've tried to write in this post. I sat down after Bass session and just let the words flow. Do let me know what you think.

Why you should never ever marry me !!

Okay, this was written in a fit of rage + anxiety + Fear , when trying to come to terms with the fact that I have become 20 and my family is already telling me about how I should be in the future after my dreaded "M" days . So Here is to every guy, my Athai paiyans or others, please read this and save your skin.

So, here we go Mr.Thyaagi - Reasons why shouldn't marry me for your own good and safety.

* I will sleep until 10 in the morning.   

* I refuse to go on a diet.

* I hate salwar kameez .

* I love roaming out.

* I love to eat whenever I feel like hungry.

* I swear.

* Most of my friends are Guys.

* I am a tomboy.

* As of today, I fight fiercely not with words, anything Only HITTING !.

* I will argue.

* My lights does not go off until 3:00 am.

* I hate Coffee and Bajji sojji.

* I hate Arranged Marriage

* I eat chocolates in a very nasty way.

So What ?!

Well History repeated itself. Arvind Kejriwal, the man who rose from the ordinary middle class Indian society to the House of Indian representatives  not to become one of them but to make a change , the man with the most eligible credentials from premier technical institution of the nation, something which is highly uncommon among our politicians, the man who is willing to wear comfortable old jerkin to the parliament session and a press conference , the man who was accused by Indian government for contravening , the man who is Delhi's official Chief Minister today. Sounds interesting nah :D.

The policies and politics of the New Delhi has become the matter of interest to everyone in India, especially so when the nation is on the verge of making history, our media are no exceptions. Splattering Kejriwal's images all over the front pages is all fine, but giving suggestions on everything he does, his past and determining his future before he could do ? Nah ! Isn't that taking it a little too far? I can cross my hearts and say that I saw at least one article on Arvind Kejriwal in every column of a newspaper on Dec 29th (maybe He didn't get into the sports pages, well they say he was a sportsperson during his school days so he might very soon). Face book and Twitter were crowded with the posts of his success . Every major news channel relayed his "success tale" over and over until the next hot sensational news.

What is Arvind Kejriwal's mother's opinion on his entry into Indian politics? How did he crack all his exams in first attempt ? How does he manage his time between Family and Politics ? What was his CGPA in IIT Kharagpur ? Is he a vegetarian or non vegetarian ? What are his hobbies ? Why is he not moving into his new house ? Any Indian journalist will probably have the answers. I don't think any Indian election was ever covered with as much fervour as this one, or any Indian leader given as much mileage by the media as he has been. Maybe he deserved it but little less of it because he was one among us. Right ?!

We all know he is a phenomenon in the India today maybe to the world tomorrow, but what is he to my maid servant? What is he to the farmer who is eagerly expecting the rains? What is he to the child who is begging on my street? To the girl forced into prostitution in Streets of Delhi ? His victory might indirectly affect these people - yes. Every politician on the start of his carrier will be the change he wanted to see, but please my dear friends look in for the end result, there and then you would know whether he was the change or just another ordinary Indian politician. The newly sworn chief minister - is never more important than fighting the evils that abound our own. I am not a frustrated Indian who is mean minded, you may call me so but I am optimistic student who still find a small hope in the Indian political system after many failure expectations on my leaders. Well I am too frustrated of this exaggeration of what he is going to be !!

Let's hope Kejriwal does something about the Indian media as well! ;)

Zing List ;)

It all started with a random late night conversation, particularly after a heavy delicacy of vegetarian food at home. We were stuffed, satisfied and generally at peace with the world and also within the family– you know the feeling, don’t you? – and got talking about other things that daughters should never talk about, with their moms and dads.

Somehow, after that conversation, I have been thinking a lot about those little small or big things that satisfy us the most. This list – what I am gonna call the ‘Zing list’ can probably be the best tool to know about a person.

Anyway, I  will cut the complicated psychoanalysis of the Sigmund Freud's History and present you my own list of things/moments that make me HIGH – to whom so ever it may concern and what so ever particular order.

-         Food. Good food. Nothing like a satisfying meal with poricha tuty parotta to achieve world peace. In Tamil Simple ah sonna "Nalla Soru".

-         Chocolates. Belgian, American, Danish, Aasai, Anything with even cocoa in it. Any time of the day. Any mood I am in. Sure shot my happiness, out-of depression drug.

-         The first touch of water on my feet in the beach.

-         Applause for my performance. Be it speaking, performing, acting or whatever else. Yes, it feels   good when you’re appreciated. Only for something I do.

-         Laughter. You know that moment when you have laughed all you can and can’t laugh anymore??

-         Work. Doing things I love doing and being so completed drowned in it that I don’t know where all the time went.

-         Sharing a moment of silence with a friend and realizing how lucky you are to have them.

-         That first smile after a long crying session.

-         Getting that perfect photograph with the light, frame and moment captured exactly the way I want it, after repeated attempts :P.

-         Ipod, Bus travel, seat, head phones and my playlist.

-         Singing along the Dark hostel road with your crazy friend.

-         Running and playing in the Rain.

-         Getting the gadget for that you worked your ass off.

-         Chess and Writing.

-         Talking with a  Good Editor.

-         After a Long fight, that moment of hugs and happiness.

-        That Moment of "Zing", when your crush actually smiles at you.

Let it Go ;)

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight 
Not a footprint to be seen
 A kingdom of isolation and it looks like
 I'm the queen

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
 Couldn't keep it in,
 Heaven knows I've tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see 
Be the good girl you always have to be 
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know 
Well, now they know

Let it go, let it go
 Can't hold it back anymore
 Let it go, let it go 
Turn away and slam the door
 I don't care what they're going to say 
Let the storm rage on 
The cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small 
And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all 
It's time to see what I can do 
To test the limits and break through 
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
 I'm free

Let it go, let it go 
I am one with the wind and sky
 Let it go, let it go 
You'll never see me cry 
Here I stand and here I stay 
Let the storm rage on

My power flurries through the air into the ground 
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around 
And one thought crystalizes like an icy blast 
I'm never going back, the past is in the past

Let it go, let it go 
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
 Let it go, let it go 
That perfect girl is gone 
Here I stand in the light of day
 Let the storm rage on
 The cold never bothered me anyway

#Frozen
#Idina Menzel
#Addicted